


Je suis une étoile, je lueur ( I'm a star, I glow)

by apollotaire



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And laf, College AU, Gen, Have fun???, Non-binary character, Peggy - Freeform, kinda???, pronoun practice lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:26:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollotaire/pseuds/apollotaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laf finds out they are non-binary?? I'm bad at this</p>
            </blockquote>





	Je suis une étoile, je lueur ( I'm a star, I glow)

It all started the day he (they were a ‘he’ back then, it had felt wrong) met Hercules Mulligan. As an immigrant that had not yet perfected his English, he kind of hadn't understood the directions to the freshman information hall with all the excited voices around him and somehow had ended up in the sophomore’s first day section and had gotten spectacularly lost. 

That was when he bumped into Hercules Mulligan. 

Large, imposing, and _oh merde il est beau._

“You okay?” The, then, stranger had asked, a slight Irish lilt to his voice, looking concerned. 

“Oui, I'm alright.” Lafayette had answered, and blushed, _why did he blush?_

“I assume that you're a freshman? Since I’ve never seen you around before.” Hercules had said with an amused look. “If I assumed right,” Lafayette nodded. “Then I also take that you're lost. Let me get you to the sign-ins and see who your roommate is.”

And that was how he found out this gorgeous man was his roommate. Honestly, it was torture to watch Mulligan change _every morning._ He slept bare-chest, so he always got a good look when Hercules got ready for the day. 

Hercules was openly gay, proud of it, and that's why he took Lafayette to the Queer Support Group. About two months into the first semester. The two had developed a thick friendship in the short time and felt as if they’d known each other at least half a year and Hercules wanted to introduce him to his other friends. 

“Everyone! I have brought a new member!” Hercules said as he entered the room and the rest looked at Lafayette, who stood half hidden behind him, and smiled. 

A chorus of hello’s sounded and Lafayette smiled as a small Latino kid walked up to him. “Hi! I'm Alexander Hamilton! But you can call me Alex, who are you? Where are you from? Are you-”

“Alexander, please.” Hercules said and interrupted Alexander from his question spree. The boy, Alexander, smiled sheepishly and ducked his head. “He tends to talk, but unlike others his talking is usually useful.” Hercules informed Lafayette and that made him laugh.

He introduced the Schuyler siblings. Angelica (she/her), her younger sister Eliza (she/her) and the youngest Peggy (xe/xer)

“Xe?” Lafayette asked, he’d never heard a pronoun like that. “What does that mean?” 

Before Hercules could explain Peggy jumped in. “It’s a gender neutral pronoun. I don’t identify as female or male, which is called agender. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you’re new to the subject!” Xe informed him excitedly and that’s how Lafayette learned there are more than two genders.

Non-binary, genderfluid, agender and the list kept growing. It was honestly baffling and the rest of the introductions went over his head as he kept dwelling on the gender neutral pronouns. It felt _right._ Unlike his male pronouns he currently used. His brain kept going over and he worked himself up. Lafayette had always tried to fit in, be more masculine and feel right through it all.

Lafayette panicked as soon as he was alone in the dorm. _He_ had always felt wrong somehow, _he_ liked dresses and make-up. _He_ wasn’t his gender.

His, their? Zir? Chest tightened and his? lungs constricted and the surrounding was slowly fading away . _They_ started breathing too fast, put their head in their hands as they realised they were probably genderfluid or non-binary and tried to calm down. The utter relief that they finally felt comfortable in their own body flooding through them made them sob and hyperventilate, God, they were such a mess. _Pathetic, useless. God! Can't you do anything right?_

No, this was not the moment for their former boyfriend, an abusive piece of shit, to make an appearance in the back of his mind. They spiraled into a panic attack about that, too. What would George think? He’d call him slurs and hit him. Make sure he felt miserable and wrong. Obviously that was when Hercules entered the room, God, Hercules would see he was pathetic! Hercules immediately dropped his bag when he saw Lafayette and rushed over when he saw Lafayette curled up against the bedpost.

Crouching next to Lafayette’s curled up form next to the bed he reached out and placed his hands on their shoulder and back, Lafeyette didn’t flinch because Hercules’ hands were so different than George’s,wanting making it easier for them to breathe. _“Breathe,_ Laf. Breathe. In, one, two- it's okay to not reach three. Out, one, two.” 

This went on for minutes? hours? Lafayette lost track of time as Hercules calmed them down. When their breathing was not as erratic anymore they simply stared at their hands for a while, trying to ward George’s voice off.

_Told you! You’re a useless piece of shit…_

“There we go, do you want to talk about it?” He asked them softly as he moved them both to the couch to get more comfortable. He kept rubbing Lafayette’s feet and looked up as Lafayette grabbed the phone and typed something. Hercules was about to ask what they were doing when he got a message. 

 

**Laf Baguette:** can’t talk rn. is it okay if we text?

**You:** but of course Laf  
what was it about?

**Laf Baguette:** uhm well  
‘he’ kind of always felt weird  
so when Peggy mentioned gender neutral pronouns and more that one gender  
it fit so well that i sort of panicked from relief???  
and i’m not ready to talk about the other thing

**You:** that’s okay  
but jesus laf  
i’m glad you’ve finally found something that fits you  
it must’ve been hard to not know  
would you like to talk ab it to Pegs?

**Laf Baguette:** i guess???  
if xe doesn’t mind  
it’d probs be good for me if i did

**You:** i’m sure xe won’t mind  
xe offered remember?  
**[Contact] Peggy Schuyler -** 202-555-0105

**Laf Baguette:** thanks Herc  
you have class  
i’ll be fine i swear

Hercules gave them a dubious look and they smiled assuringly as Hercules typed a message. Their phone pinged and they looked at the text and smiled and gratefully looked at Hercules.

 

**Horse-fucker:** before i forget  
what are your pronouns

**You:** they/ them for now  
not sure if i’m non-binary or genderfluid or agender  
i’ll inform you of all changes

 

Happy with that answer Hercules rose from the couch and gave Lafayette’s shoulder a squeeze. “Relax this weekend, Laf. I know you finished everything with Alex.” He said and Lafayette smiled waving as Hercules left.

 

Lafayette added Peggy to their contact list and debated if they should call xer. Xer classes already were finished so they wouldn’t interrupt a lecture or anything that would get Peggy send out of the class. They inhaled deeply and pressed the call button. The phone went over a few times before someone, definitely not Peggy or xer sisters answered the call.  
“Peggy’s phone, xer is almost finished showering. Who is this?” A feminine voice said and Lafayette frowned.

“Bonjour, this uh, this is Lafayette.” They cringed. What a way to introduce themselves over the phone. This day was going just great. 

“Oh! Xe told me about you! Xe talks very fondly about you! Oh, where are my manners? I’m Theodosia Prevost. She pronouns.” Theodosia said happily. “Pegs! Phone! It’s Lafayette.” She yelled and a few moments later Peggy came on.

“Hey Laf, what’s up?” Xe asked. 

“Well, I know we haven't really met yet, but until the meeting I didn't know there were more that two genders or that agender and non binary existed and-”

“Lafayette.” Xe said gently. “Relax.”

“Oh, right sorry. Anyway, uh, I was wondering if we could talk about gender identity? I think I'm a ‘they’.” Lafayette said. “Could we meet up by that café? Libertea?” They curled a strand of hair around their finger, calling wasn't their favourite thing, they liked to see facial expressions when talking to someone. 

“But of course! When? Apush finishes at two.” Xe told Lafayette and grabbed xer planner and a sharpie.

“Two sounds good. I'll see you then?” Lafayette said and jotted the appointment down on a piece of paper.

“Yeah! See you then!” Peggy said and quit the call. 

Lafayette raked their hand through their hair, which was a mess after the episode this afternoon. They went to the bathroom and checked the clock, it was 12:30pm so they had at least an hour before they had to leave the dorm, and went to brush their hair.

They debated applying the eyeliner Adrienne had sneaked into their bag as a joke, and maybe even serious. She always had known stuff earlier than they did. No matter what it was about. They recounted the memories with a fond smile and decided to tell her after he and Peggy had talked about it. 

They smiled. They were happy.

**Author's Note:**

> SO MUCH BOLD. SO MUCH ITALICS rip pls tell me if I missed anything! 
> 
> I use she/her and they/them now. I have no real preference!
> 
> French translations:
> 
>  _Oh merde il est beau_ \- oh shit he is beautiful
> 
> Fun story! Google translate didn’t translate il (he) to English so when I checked if my shoddy 2 year French was alright I got “Oh shit is beautiful” and I pretty much lost it for at least 10 minutes.


End file.
